Saturday, 18 December 2010

Coalition Stew

Serves 60-65 Million

You Will Need....

57 Lib Dem MPs
29 Ministers, 23 of whom should be Millionaires. (If you can't get any Millionaires, then Billionaires work well too.)*
4 Women 
1 Slasher
1 Seller of Snake Oils
1 Laws
1 large Westminster with a tight fitting lid
1 Clegg, thoroughly beaten.
Geeks to taste.

The recipe is even more delicious with the addition of a spice mix. I like to use these but you can always add your own  :

55,000 Students
15,000 servicemen/women
2.5 Million Disabled people
10,000 Teachers
40,000 Police Officers 

-Finely chop the Lib Dems until they are dessicated. 

-Pick 4 women at random and smother them with the remaining 25 males. When you've finished, leave them to stew in a remote room.

-Add the spice mix and stir constantly.

-Meanwhile, combine the Seller of Snake Oils with the Beaten Clegg and mix together thoroughly until smoothly blended. (I find Twitter good for stirring this.) Make sure that the Clegg is well incorporated - you should no longer be able to see a trace.

-Finally, tie up your Laws in a small muslin bag and simmer until the stew reaches boiling point (Don't forget to remove before everything goes into the Westminster though - they crumble if you don't .) Add geeks to taste.

At this point you can sit back and leave the mixture to ferment for around 12 months. It's worth remembering that Westminster ovens are very efficient heaters though, so the stew might be ready in 10 months or even 8.**

All that's left now is to cover the whole thing with Murdoch, making sure there are no gaps at all, and sprinkle Liberally with broken promises.  

*Millionaires are in season at the moment, so you shouldn't have any trouble finding them.

** If your stew tastes bitter, you might find that you put in too much faith. There's not really much you can do at this stage, so it'll just have to be something you remember for next time.


  1. Sue, you are so clever! this really did make me laugh out loud!!!!

  2. Very funny Sue!!! Partic. liked:

    "If your stew tastes bitter, you might find that you put in too much faith"

  3. Shucks! I have to say, this had been buzzing around my head for weeks. I kept thinking of extra "ingredients" and funny cooking terms that applied so well to the coalition. It was very good fun.

    Sue - If it's not TOO big-headed, my fave is "sprinkle Liberally" made me laugh for about 5 minutes.

  4. Our very own political Nigella; but much more real of course. Thanks a million. Oops!

  5. Sue M,
    Apparently Ed M doesn't like this sort of thing (prefers a snake oil joke on its own) so you will have to start U-turning and leave my heroes alone.

    Best of luck on the 21st, Howard

    PS my suggested one record for all medical practitioners to access and amend would have helped some of the problems mentioned in the last contributions).

  6. Indeed Howard. It's something i believe would help a lot.
    Trouble is , you Liberals think it infringes our human rights,

    What do you mean about Ed? I don't like much of what he says at the moment either, so the feeling's mutual.

  7. Sue,

    You are giving away your cullinary expertise here... Well written and imaginative... Red HQ should hire you to write their propaganda litreature, it would be a damned sight better than the "fire up the quattro" posters....

    In short, this post would be a good rallying cry to fire up the reds..

  8. Sue
    I thought your snake oil bit referred to DC (??). ergo my reference to only getting at Tories which is EM's new opposition policy AIUI.

    This Liberal doesn't think it (national database) infringes my human rights (whatever that means) and you may be surprised how many of we of the 9% think so too.

  9. Howard ," we of the 9%" ,you say. I see you hanging in there. Will you still be with the 8%, 7 %. , 5 or 3 %? What policies will we see coming from the Coalition kitchens before we see Howard choose his menu elsewhere?

    have to add the cAPTHCA that came up.. Seriously , it's olying

  10. Pam
    on LD side
    1. Lib Con pact announced for 2015 GE (unless includes STV PR firm commitment in next parliament)
    2. Anti EU proposals in manifesto of LD

    on Labour side
    3. Labour adopts PR (STV)as firm policy
    4. Labour reaffirms total commitment to EU and Euro.

    In one and 2 I shall resign LD. In 3 and 4 I shall join Labour.

    Unlike you (at least) I am not going to vote Labour if it let's in a Tory in my constituency.

    How you can contemplate doing that in WSM escapes all my attempts at divining logical thought processes. If Labour is the largest party at the next election, then, if not having a majority, it will coalesce with LD (same as would have happened in May).

    I suppose your vote, being irrelevant like most of us who vote in the UK, could 'count to the total' but your best activity, as in my case, is to find the FPTP constituency nearest you which is marginal Lab Con (LD Con in my case) and go and work for victory there.

    'Sameoldsameold' I can think of nuances in above but my drift is hopefully clear.

  11. Hi Howard, I didn't - I voted Lib Dem you and the Labour ministers persuaded me it was in Labour's interests, but am never going to do so again, as I can't see anything between them and the Tories.
    It must be frustrating to see the Libs sidling up to the Tories. I do not believe the vast majority of LD voters expected this coalition, at least on current terms. That must be why the Coalition was not announced prior to the election, although it seems it was a done deal.

  12. Maybe that leaves you out in the cold, Howard.
    Unless the rumblings from Vince have an effect.
    They are clearly sent as a warning to the Tories and a sign he may have a conscience after all. Pity he backed the rise in Tuition fees.

  13. Excellent!
    "If your stew tastes bitter, you might find that you put in too much faith"

    This is what you get with a Tory-led government. Hitting the poorest and weakest over and over, it's disgusting. The spread of council funding is absolutely disgraceful, the poorest areas are being hit with huge cuts whilst the more affluent areas are getting the most meagre of cutbacks.

    Have a look at my left-leaning political blog at: