Sunday, 26 June 2011

There's No such word as "Can't"

Growing up, my Dad had a few choice phrases that he must have used daily :

There's no such word as can't
Life's not fair
Watch the tiger when it's licking your ear.
Never sign anything

Thank God for Dad really. I'm not sure I'd ever get out of bed feeling this rubbish, but every time I want to say "I can't" I remember there's no such word as can't. And I get up. And I go on.

When I get sick again and watch another dream flushed down the toilet by my stupid failing body, I briefly think about a moan, then I remember life isn't fair. Don't expect it to be.

When I lobby politicians or chat with strategists I never ever forget that tiger. He can only be licking my ear because he's hungry.

OK, I've adapted No4 for a cyber-world, but I never, ever, put anything in writing on twitter or my blog or facebook that I think I might regret. I never bite.

Good old Dad eh? Prepared me for the murky, self-serving, Machiavellian world of politics without even realising. Prepared me to drag my crappy body on and on through a very, very, difficult life and somehow keep a semblance of still being human.

Funny how things work out isn't it?

23 comments:

  1. There is in the condem govt we CAN'T go on giving to disabled people, iT's just not Fair.

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  3. wow some bad comments here Sue, obviously mr or mrs anon have no concept of disability. Its happening regular so iv'e noticed but people have right to their opinion

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  4. I think the blog is being targeted by whom i have no idea

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  5. Anonymous maybe?

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  6. Wow, u have powers way beyond me.

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  7. Guys, you can either put a name at the end of your comment or click "Name/URL" under "Select profile..." and put a name (false if you like) in the "Name box"; NOTE you do NOT have to provide a URL too, that's just to link to your website if you've got one. It still works if you leave the URL box blank. If you put a false name your identity is no less private than if you use the "Anonymous" tag.

    Anyway, well done Sue and Kaliya, you've done us proud. Be good to yourselves. I like the tiger saying, I've never heard that before. I may use it myself :).

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  8. Here's another anecdote for you: "If you're just going to make faceless anonymous moronic comments, go and find another blog to do it on, rather than on one whose author has been through quite enough this weekend!" Ok, so maybe it's not an anecdote, but I wish Mr/Mrs.Anonymous would take note of it anyway!

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  9. There are some nasty comments on here which is sad. Those who are not forced into the invidious situation of claiming benefits because of bodily weakness should be thankful they don't live with continual pain/potentially life threatening conditions. I don't know the aithor of the blog, I only speak from my own experience.

    The government, as it stands, appears to be operating a policy of eugenics by stealth.

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  10. Don't talk utter bollocks Sheila. We all know the benefit system has been abused for decades by those who don't deserve them and are not even ill at all. On my street there are a number of families who sit on their arses all day sitting in the sunshine claiming incapacity/ESA benefits who are perfectly able to go for a run, go to the pub and go to the gym. There are two solutions. 1. keep it as it was (the preferred option of this blog), or 2. use medical evidence to means test those who claim to see if they are deserving or not.

    The first is not fair and is throwing money at scroungers, the second is the only real way of doing this effectively. Like the post said. Life is not fair.

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  11. @Sheila.

    Very true. The funny thing about the eugenicist approach is that disability reoccurs generation on generation; very little of it is purely genetic. So much good getting rid of the lot of us will do anyone, frankly.

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  12. Like your dad said, lifes not fair. Role with the punches.

    -Ron

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  13. Looking at medical evidence isn't actually the same as means-testing, though, is it? However sick claimants are, if a partner earns more than £7,500pa, he/she will be expected to support them.

    If you can go out to work and earn your own money, be thankful for your good health. It may not always be with you.

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  14. To the person who replied to my post. I want no part in a flame war, neither am I going to pick up the baton (I can't run in any case). Yes, there is the 'I have seen people who ...' However, not all disabling conditions are visible or indeed quantifiable on a day-to-day basis.

    Today, I can't do an awful lot at all.
    Tomorrow may be a little better, and I may - and I stress the word 'may' - be able to get about the house without too much bother.

    Also, I have a condition (which I won't go into, it's my own business) which, unless it manifests itself, is unidentifiable by laypersons and medics alike.

    I applaud the author of the blog for standing up for those of us who find it difficult to do so.

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  15. Guys - "First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win"

    Every disgusting comment comes from someone who wants me to shut up.

    Lol. My Dad says (keeping on a theme) that I was bawling before I was even fully born.

    The minute my head popped out I yelled, so good luck with the shutting me up.

    I've got 6 brothers which means I could deal with Westminster with one arm tied behind my back, and crohn's means I've been fighting -- not just for money or cars - but for my life - for nearly three decades, so good luck with getting me to quit too.

    Ignore every troll, please my lovely readers I beg you. I want their comments to stand as a reference to what I fight, so that people can see. But I don't want ever to acknowledge anything abusive or aggressive. Just let them fight my fight for me by showing people how disgusting they can be.

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  16. "Don't talk utter bollocks Sheila. We all know the benefit system has been abused for decades by those who don't deserve them and are not even ill at all"

    It's a fact; there's no evidence for it, but it's FACT that the system is being massively exploited by cheats, aye?

    "On my street there are a number of families who sit on their arses all day sitting in the sunshine claiming incapacity/ESA benefits who are perfectly able to go for a run, go to the pub and go to the gym. There are two solutions."

    No, there's just one; report them on the Benefit Fraud Hotline and add further to the massive number of calls that are dead-ends fuelled by ignorance, maliciousness and cowardice. The number is 0800 854 440 or you can do it online at http://campaigns.dwp.gov.uk/campaigns/benefit-thieves/

    They give some interesting numbers right there, add them up, do the math and get a clue about the amount of time-wasting people like you do when you stop chest-thumbing long enough to actually act on your supposed convictions.

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  18. And just to add to Mason Dixon's comment, the ignorant and malicious bigotry that drives false allegations (aka disability related harassment in breach of the Equality Act) to the Benefit Fraud Hotline has very real health consequences for the people at the other end of the allegation, in my case two months of feeling like the entire surface of my arm had been scalded, even though the DWP investigator had dismissed the allegation within 30 seconds of meeting me.

    Those who rant about the prevalence of disability benefit fraud inevitably turn out to be utterly clueless about disability, but aren't about to let their own ignorance, or the facts, get in the way of their bigotry.

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  19. [QUOTE]David said...

    And just to add to Mason Dixon's comment, the ignorant and malicious bigotry that drives false allegations (aka disability related harassment in breach of the Equality Act) to the Benefit Fraud Hotline has very real health consequences for the people at the other end of the allegation, in my case two months of feeling like the entire surface of my arm had been scalded, even though the DWP investigator had dismissed the allegation within 30 seconds of meeting me.[/QUOTE]

    The vast majority of people long term sick and disabled David will have suffered at the hands of being reported. I myself have suffered it for 30 years yes 30 years it never gets any easier i suggested they put a camera up outside the front door or tag me they said we cant do that as it's against your human rights

    Well i say it's better then banging the front door as and when that's my argument

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  20. Trolls, toxic people and narcissists only become a problem when by accident of birth and unearned wealth they find themselves in a position of power over others.
    I know this is the most typical advice, but my dad always told me to do my best. To keep at what I believed in, and to realize that there will always be days and people who will want to hold me back.

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  21. I suffered a serious road accident when I was nine, a year of operations followed to save my leg after almost 18 months in plaster of various sizes, sometimes full-length sometimes knee-length and back to full-length again quickly when something went wrong. For the majority of that time I was unable to weight bare and then the day came when the plaster was removed for good and I remember feeling terrified. From then on I literally had to learn to walk again, this followed another year of intensive physio-therapy and occupational therapy. "I can't" I wailed "it hurts" when asked to use a treadmill for a certain length of time or to ride an exercise bike (when no one was looking I would take my bad leg off the peddle and peddle with my good leg) I am left with one foot and one leg bigger and longer than the other which makes buying shoes a nightmare and sandals look really weird on me but who cares I still wear them, bad scars on show too. My muscles used to fail and had to be built up again and I found it really tough going, it hurt and was tiring and my leg hurt for hours afterwards, but everytime I said I can't, my mum was there to say I could and she would add "there's no such word as can't, can't is just a little bit harder than can". This is a philosophy that I have stuck to all my life, if someone says you can't, I feel duty bound to prove them wrong. My mum also had another saying, "make what you can while you are alive because you are a long time dead you know" she also used to say to me, "you'll miss me when I'm gone".

    And yes mum, I do. xxx

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  22. Keep going Sue! Keep fighting for our rights!
    I regularly read you Blog and think you have things about right. It's good to know I'm not on my own and there are people like you standing up for people like me....

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  23. Having read the various comments on the page, my comments will be a little different-but still relating to the issue of Benefits. About 10 years ago I began to suffer from panic attacks, increasing to about 20 a day-often so bad I lost track of the world for an hour or more. Eventually, having 'pretended for so long' sent to a mental health unit where immediate diagnosis of Epilepsy was made - long story short Consultant,EEG,MRI's meetings confirmed epilepsy and 2 brain tumours. (Panic attacks!) World changed on diagnosis - unable to drive,living in a village but smiled and got on.(maybe not inside but to the world)surgery arranged for 'the head' then discovered breast cancer - surgery on hold and cancer surgery commenced! Radiotherapy etc then brain surgery went ahead - wonderful treatment and care BUT I was not allowed out of hospital without full time care etc. Two years on still epilepsy but as back to normal as could ever be - drug problems side effects made me almost suicidal, then taken of the drug (well known side effect apparently) and my remaining drugs, control the epilepsy well but certainly not completely.
    WHY THE STORY: about benefits.
    During the entire period of time I/we never claimed benefits DLA/Carers etc. It cost us a fortune one way and another but..we simply did not think about such benefits or know that we were entitled to any such thing. Recently, 3 years after the Epilepsy diagnosis someone commented 'didn't you have any benefits?' for the first time we realised we would have been entitled to them. No one told us, who should have told us? Social services? Consultants? Nurses? GP? who who who - no one ever did, nor did we look for them.
    Update - wrote a very long letter, detailing every event, every problem, every reason for simply not being aware of such benefits. We must have been entitled to £1000's over the period of time.
    I guess you are all getting the gist of this comment - despite the honesty of all the facts, all checkable of course. We have been told-only when checking by phone - not by them writing to explain, I would add.
    No you cannot claim backwards, 'thats the law' and being spoken to so patronisingly that I felt looked down on.
    I was worth nothing in their opinion.
    BUT HOW THE HELL CAN THEY JUSTIFY THIS ATTITUDE WHEN IF SOMEONE CLAIMS ILLEGALLY OR THEY OVERPAY THEY WHIP THE MONEY BACK IMMEDIATELY-IF NECESSARY VIA A COURT ACTION. OR THEY PAY A LARGE NUMBER OF PEOPLE ALLOWANCES BECAUSE THEY HAVE DRUG HABITS, TOO FAT, TOOOOOOO YOU GET THE GIST.
    IT ISN'T FAIR AND I HAPPEN TO HAVE A PASSION FOR UNFAIRNESS.
    No I don't feel sorry for myself, just angry, but even angrier when through twitter I have discovered a good many other people in a similar situation - simply because they didn't know. Apparently not knowing is no reason to try to claim later.
    I feel better for that! But I bet a lot of you have been or are in a similar situation. Julie

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