It's one of "those" mornings.
You know when you wake up, stretch, think comfy thoughts, smile a bit. Then your brain wakes up? One by one, thoughts like hand grenades, explode the duvet-draped myth that this could in any way be a good day.
I hate that. As the saying goes, "When troubles come they come not single spies but in battallions"
To stick with a military analogy, I'm surrounded on all sides, temporarily outflanked on the right, outnumbered and ill equipped for the battle.
I have a few brave allies and my ammo is reduced to words.
If it was possible to fight all of these battles at once in an orderly, methodical fashion, it might be easier, but peeking out from under the duvet, it's all I can do to make a start. I sip a first cup of tea every morning, waiting for the huge lump of panic to subside, deciding not which battles are the most urgent, but which I can mange - either physically or emotionally on that particular day.
After a while, on auto-pilot, I pick up the phone, sift through one or two of the many, many files containing my future and start dialling. I hold on lines, I get passed from this department to that. I am adjourned, delayed and postponed. Call backs don't call back and appointments never materialise.
And all because I shook my insignificant little fists at very, very, very, bad men. All because I spoke out. All because I decided enough was enough.
This sticking your head above the parapet thing is not all it's cracked up to be, I can tell you. Truth is totally irrelevant. They can and will do whatever it takes, these "baddies" (as my 4 year old might describe them) and then the onus is on you to prove them wrong.
Even if I could write about it all here, I imagine very few of you would actually believe me.
But I may have to hope that you do soon enough. I've got you lot and a laptop and I'd better cross all of my fingers to make sure neither fail me.
**I wrote this during the last minute frenzy of the Spartacus Report campaign. You took it as meant at the time, a a joke, but it was never a joke, it was a pre-emptive strike. http://diaryofabenefitscrounger.blogspot.co.uk/2011/12/men-in-black.html
As I've mentioned before, please don't hypothesise or assume about who I'm writing about here. You all know well there are plenty of different people I've offended, many cages I've rattled. For legal reasons, I have to remain vague